


Chu-Chi Snape

by Tranquil_Tevine



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angry Snape, Baron/Baroness Bomburst, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang - Freeform, Humor, Terrified Harry, prank
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-13
Updated: 2016-09-13
Packaged: 2018-08-14 22:19:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8031040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tranquil_Tevine/pseuds/Tranquil_Tevine
Summary: Now that Voldemort was good and dead, Harry decided to have a little fun in his last school year. Said fun involved pulling a prank on the most dourest professor in the school. How will he react?





	Chu-Chi Snape

This was suicide. Absolute suicide.

  
Harry shuddered lightly and was suddenly grateful he was able to actually shudder, because, by the end of this little idea he'd planned, he wasn't completely sure he'd be alive to do said shuddering.

 

He was going to prank Snape. SNAPE! He, of the cold disposition and greasy, bat-like appearance which would swoop upon you if you were loitering about in a dark corridor.

 

Harry had recently turned 17 and was back at Hogwarts, after vanquishing Voldemort during The Summer Holidays. Being able to do magic, he repaired some old things in Dudley's bedroom. The place became unrecognisable. Among other furnishings, was a large screen TV which previously had a fist shaped hole in the monitor. Along with it, were some old video tapes of classic Disney films. The first film he watched was Chitty Bang Bang. The car reminded him of Mr Weasley's slightly, but only in the sense, it could fly. He would be amazed that muggles could make cars fly! It got to the song 'Chu-Chi face' when he had a random thought about if he sang that to Snape. Harry had to pause the video in order to control the hysterical laughter. He would kill him. No, scratch that, he would turn him into potion ingredients this time!

 

But, the idea wouldn't leave his head. It was after he'd thought over all the years the greasy bastard had taunted him. He'd deserve it, even if in the end he was actually working for the light, as he'd recently discovered. It would be worth it despite the endless amount of detentions he was sure to get.

 

So, the plan was born. The details hadn't exactly been finalised, but he'd iron those out in the next few weeks.

 

He was in the common room, making use of the comfortable armchair. It was late at night, so most of Gryffindor were tucked up in bed, though there's a guarantee that some will be roaming the corridors late at night.

 

 _'I'll have to let Hermione and Ron in on it.'_   He quirked his lip, before shaking his head.

 

_'No, it will be more amusing to watch their faces as they think about my impending doom.'_

 

Cackling in glee, he ventured upstairs to drift off into the land of nod.

 

Steeling himself before decided to back out, he schooled his expression to one of normalcy. Or as normal as it could get in this situation. He waited until almost everyone had entered the potions' classroom, before approaching the front where Professor Snape was stood.

 

“Sir?” He questioned hesitantly.

 

An eyebrow was raised in response. He sneered down his nose at him. ”Potter?”

 

A bright flash of magic dazzled everyone's sights for a moment before Harry came back into view.

 

He'd watched the film so many times, that he'd practically memorised everything, including one of Baron Bomburst's outfits. He was dressed in a white and purple stripy suit, rings adorning fingers. A series of chains decorated the suit and to top it off, a red and silver crown.

 

Snape was stunned momentarily. “What the-”

 

Harry broke into song before he could.

 

“You're my little chu-chi face, my coo-chi, coo-chi, woo-chi little chu-chi face.” he spins around on the spot, taking Snape's hand delicately.

 

“Every time I look at you I sigh.” He kissed the back of his hand and to the class' horror and Harry's delight, Professor Severus Snape was transformed into Baroness Bomburst. With long golden flowing pigtails, jewels of all kinds covering him and a little black and white dress with a corset design, he would look quite the catch if not for the protruding hooked nose.

 

Then, something most unexpected happened. Snape began to sing a song he didn't even know. Not even in his voice, but that of a woman's!

 

“And you're my little teddy bear, my lovey-dovey little teddy bear!” At this point, Snape took Harry's smaller hands in his and began to dance with him about the classroom. The class was in an uproar and many students had fallen off their seats in laughter.

 

“You're the apfelstrudel of mine eye.” Snape pinched Harry's cheek in apparent adoration, before lifting him bridal style and twirling about the room like a ballerina on LSD.

 

Harry had ironed out his plan and he'd found no creases. It had worked better than he thought! He didn't expect the spell work to respond so nicely or for it to allow Snape to cooperate so well.

 

“Your chu-chi woo-chi nose, your chu-chi woo-chi eyes.” Harry, in turn, touched Snape's nose and swiped the pads of his thumbs underneath his eyes. It was actually hard to do when one was being lifted in the air.

 

“They set my heart a flutter.” Harry winked to Ron and Hermione before batting his eyelashes at the Baroness.

 

Snape placed him down on the floor, singing more passionately. ”Your ooo-chi coo-chi ways, your ooo-chi coo-chi gaze.”

 

“Wilts me down like melting butter.” At the word butter, Harry took control of the dance and brought Snape to a low dip, hand firmly on the taller man's waist. They stepped back and forth, the two dancing surprising well, though that was partly to do with the modified Tarantallegra spell he'd cast upon the costumes.

 

Ron had turned the colour of curdled milk. “H-Harry! He's going to turn you into potion ingredients!”

 

Harry grimaced in agreement. “It's worth it mate!”

 

Hermione shot him a reproving look but failed to hide her amusement, as she knew the reference.

 

Harry was getting into the swing of things and having fun with his little prank. “You're my little chu-chii face.”

 

“And you're my teddy bear.” Snape demonstrated the words by holding him as how a child would hold a teddy bear. The only reason Harry wasn't more disgusted is that he appreciated a cross-dressing nice Snape than the murderous on the rampage Snape he would become.

 

They turned around hand in hand to face the class. “Together we're achu-chii woo-chi, ooo-chi coo-chi pair.” They bowed before the next verse started. Half the Slytherins had left the classroom to fetch another member of staff and the rest of the class was watching the proceedings with horrified amusement.

 

“Whatever you may ask, becomes my happy task, I only live to serve you.” Harry kissed Snape's hand once again, before lifting him bridal style this time. Harry might be small for his age, but years of Quidditch had left him with finely toned muscles. That and the silent weightless charm might have contributed a small bit.

 

Harry could almost feel the glare Snape gave him. He could see it, hidden away among the fake love. ”I will never divine what magic made you mine, I only know I don't deserve you.” Snape was put down, before sitting on Ron and Hermione's desk. He drew Harry into his lap, potion stained fingers trailing down Harry's cheek tenderly.

 

Harry coughed and blushed a little against his will. A loud thud pierced the music of Ron falling off his stool at a dead faint. A quick Enervate from Hermione sorted him out.

 

Out the corner of his eye, Harry could see that Crabbe and Goyle's expressions remained as stupid as ever, but Malfoy looked as though he'd swallowed a whole crate of lemons.

 

“You're my little chu-chi face.” Harry once again took the lead in the dance, waltzing between student's desks, Snape following his every step.

 

“And you're my teddy bear.” Snape fondly tucked a lock of Harry's hair behind his ear.

 

“Together we're a chu-chi woo-chi, ooo-chi coo-chi, Chu-chi, Woo-chi, Ooo-chi, Coo-chi pair.” They took turns to sing each word, still managing to sing even when dancing.

 

The last part of the song, they sang in perfect harmony.

 

“Chu-chi Woo-chi Ooo-chi Coo-chi, pair.”

 

For the last part, Snape spun Harry about his arm, before dipping him this time. Harry gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, grinning madly.

 

He counted down. “5,4,3,2,1...”

 

Harry stepped back. With a not as bright flash of magic, they were returned to normal. He watched with morbid fascination as Snape slowly turned an unhealthy shade of purple, a vein throbbing furiously in his temple. The man clenched his teeth and fists, looking as though he wanted to wrap them round Harry's neck.

 

Harry hastily backed up a few steps, hands raised in a placating manner. He was glad he hadn't unpacked anything, though Ron or Hermione would've brought him his things. “Well that was fun, but I really have somewhere I have to be.”

 

Harry sprinted faster than a whippet with an arse full of dynamite. He heard long strides after him and noted with some Horror, Snape chasing after him. He might have longer legs but Harry had his small size and speed to make up for it.

 

“POTTER!” Snape screamed, growling with his arms outstretched ready to grab him. Harry sharply turned a corner. “DETENTION UNTIL YOU GRADUATE! WAIT UNTIL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, YOU FILTHY LITTLE-”

 

Thankfully, Harry knew a shortcut. Unfortunately, he didn't see the people he crashed into until it was too late.

 

“Oof!” The wind was expelled from Harry before he fell to the ground in an ungraceful heap. A moan brought him out of his thoughts.

 

“For fuck's sake Harry, what's the rush?” Sirius mumbled, rubbing his injured head.

 

“Language Sirius, you're a professor you know.” Remus chided lightly, before offering hands to both Harry and Sirius. Remus had managed to stay standing but stumbled a bit.

 

Harry shifted his eyes nervously. “I haven't got time to talk, there's a mad bull on the loose. I promise I'll fill you in later but right now I have a death threat which is far worse than the one Voldemort held over my head.”

 

The two marauders shared a glance, before looking back at him. “You pranked someone didn't you?” They spoke in unison.

 

Before Harry could respond, a loud bang of a door was forced open so hard, it bounced off the wall and nearly hit the person opening it.

 

Grey eyes locked with black. He could see them slowly narrow until they resembled nothing more than black holes. If anything, Snape's skin colour was worse. He was a mottled purple and looked close to dropping dead of his own accord. Harry gulped audibly, the cogs turning in his mind.

 

“POTTER! GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT!”

 

Harry took off at a run again, hastily waving goodbye to the pair as Snape was hot on his heels. The pair watched them descend many staircases before they were out of their field of vision.

 

Remus turned to Sirius, a knowing twinkle in his eye. “I think we know who Harry pranked now.”

 

Sirius nodded in agreement, slinging his arm round Remus' shoulders before they both headed to their original destination of the staff room. After being cleared of his crimes, Sirius took up the post of DADA/History of magic along with Remus. They had yet to find out how to break the curse put upon the Defense position but Sirius spent a term teaching the class, where Remus would take over. Between the pair, teaching the subjects was an agreeable arrangement and the students loved them both.

 

“I'm so proud, he's a true marauder.” Sirius made a show of wiping a mock tear from his eyes and Remus rolled his own affectionately. Arriving at the door, they each settle on the sofa with cups of tea.

 

Remus grinned. “I thought Severs was going to bust a nerve. Whatever Harry has done must have been monumental.”

 

Sirius nodded in agreement, relaxing a little.

 

After a few moments, Sirius eyed his friend.

 

“Want to go see if Harry is still alive? By Merlin! I at least want to view the memories of what happened before he dies.”

 

Shrugging, Remus stood up to follow Sirius out of the door, their tea forgotten.

 

Hopefully, there would be enough pieces left of their Cub and Godson to find.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know where I get my ideas from. This has been sitting around on my laptop for a while now but I only just got round to finishing it today. Watching the film I pictured this scene in my head and I had to write it down xD


End file.
